Getting personal

Who am I doing all of this for?

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What am I chasing? Why am I working so hard? I feel like I am on auto pilot and the things I am doing have stopped making sense. I don’t even know why I am doing them. Lately, anytime someone asks me how I am doing, I always respond “I am overworked and underpaid”. And that is the truth! So what am I really working so hard for? Money is not my main motivation for working, but I would love some form of incentive for continued hard work.

I spend most of my hours working and yet I feel unfulfilled. I know I sound ungrateful because there are people who wish to be in my shoes, who wish to have a job…any job. I understand that but allow me to share my perspective from my lived experience. I started my first job in 2009 and I have worked so hard ever since. When I wasn’t working, I was studying, non-stop for years. I used to know what I was chasing and I achieved a lot over the years. But now I don’t seem to know what I am slaving for.

Maybe I have just reached a stage in life where I want to know who I am actually building all of this for. I have no family of my own yet, no kids or husband. I have my mum and siblings but everyone is doing their own thing. So who am I really losing sleep for? Me?

It has become very important for me to find the answers to these questions. Have you ever gone through an existential crisis? Have you wondered what it is you are doing and why? How did you figure it out? Please let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading.


10 thoughts on “Who am I doing all of this for?

  1. The purpose of life is to find purpose….
    Sometimes when I am deep in my existential feels as the candles add up on my birthday cake, and reality sinks in that the 90s wasn’t ten years ago… I ask myself whats the point to *to all of this* gesturing at everything and nothing… I hate how this country just reduces one to hustling and being thankful of just breathing… suddenly you have no right to complain if you have a roof over your head and eat at least one meal a day…. as needs become wants because you find you can live without a lot of things you thought you needed like there meals in a day loool
    Maybe there is a no purpose,hmmm but that would be a tragedy so we try and find meaning


    Liked by 4 people

    1. You have nailed it B! The search for meaning continues, I do think it is important to keep asking these questions. We will find it one day. Thanks for reading and engaging with the post.


  2. Just keep asking the question till you get the answer yourself.

    People can contribute answers but you as an individual ought to believe the answer yourself too

    Keep asking, one day you will give yourself the answer

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We need a purpose in life, your work could be a safe space if you decide to, I worked before a full-time job but I didn’t need it at all, even if it was not about the money I still put in 100%…when you decide to work your reason is to work, your question I believe will be answered when you retire at any one moment

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am just thinking of how many years I still have before retirement, somehow an early retirement is not on the horizon for me. But I get your point, I am searching for that purpose again. I will find it. Thanks Benjamin.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Certainly in that existential crisis. But I personally do what I do to add my voice to the mix. Also – to save enough to travel. I think maybe instead of looking for a big picture, it can be a collection of small things. Find joy in the small things, buying stuff for nieces and nephews, showing up for friends, loudly celebrating family. Maybe purpose doesn’t have to be as big as we make it out to be. Being happy and doing good is a good enough pursuit. I’m still learning this though😅

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Find meaning in the little things in life. It’s not easy because we have made a purpose to be this huge big where we save the world, but purpose can be found in cheering others up, having meaningful conversations with loved ones, and just BE.
    Do not be too had on yourself. Life can be daunting at times when we feel that there’s nothing more to be done. You have done well for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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