Taking inventory of my life: relationships

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I had a feeling that I am due for another spring cleaning. Not of my room or closet, but my life. To be more specific, I felt the need to clean out the relationship section of my life.

I blocked two people men in the past two weeks. It seems most of the individuals I have issues with right now in my life are men. That may be because I have very few female friends, (read two, one of whom is my sister). Others are people I went to high school and university with but we have lost touch and I can hardly call some of them friends, more like acquaintances. Anyway, so one of the men I blocked was disrespectful to me and I have generally have zero tolerance for disrespect. I am an energy person and if I read your energy towards me as off and downright disrespectful, I won’t even bother explaining myself to you. I just chuck the ✌🏽.

The second one is a dear friend whom I have known for years. Upon reflection, it was a minor issue that ended in me blocking him out of frustration. I asked him to come help me move some stuff and he said he would come the next day and he didn’t. I’m big on promises and people being reliable so I sent him an angry text and blocked him. I have since unblocked him because he explained that something came up, but my reaction made me think about the people in my life and what I expect from them and vice versa. I like to think that I contribute significantly to the lives of my friends and although I am not perfect, I’d like to think that I am very reliable. Why should I expect less from the people I call friends?

I have been disappointed with the people in my life for the bigger part of this month. I know relationships are hard, but there are some battles that are not worth fighting.

I want authentic relationships. I want people I can rely on. I don’t want to feel alone when I am surrounded by people. I know it is up to me; I should go where I am celebrated not tolerated. Does this mean I must find new connections? That’s hardly possible in this pandemic because I can’t even travel to new places at the moment. I can’t have new experiences that are non-virtual at the moment. I am not satisfied with online connections, try as I might. It just feels less real, if that makes sense. But that may be the only option for me until we move past the COVID restrictions on socialising.

I will use this time for further introspection on what I really want in my life. What kind of friend am I? I read somewhere that you attract what you are. Have I been giving off the wrong kind of energy lately that is bouncing negative energy right back at me? Who do I rely on when the people I’m supposed to trust disappoint me?

I will end with this verse from the Book that guides my life:

“Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭26:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
https://www.bible.com/114/psa.26.2.nkjv

If there are any faults in me, help me to correct myself in case I’m the one in the wrong.

What do you think? Have you experienced a fallout with a friend or felt like you were getting the short end of the stick with your connections? How did you fix it? I would love to hear your story.

GG